she was so not down for the gang bang
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
