just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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