its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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