There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We smell like vodka and hangover
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