i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
