so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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