Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
