Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
