i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
