You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
