Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize