just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
