did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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