My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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