rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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