So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
