lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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