Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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