She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
