so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
