I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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