theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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