whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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