Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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