Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
