I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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