literally had 100 drinks last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
