remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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