I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
