You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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