So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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