Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
