Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
