when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
