He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
