Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
