He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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