i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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