Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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