If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
