I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
