My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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