It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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