Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
