girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
