this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
