I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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