I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
