If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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