i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
