I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
