I think my vagina is haunted
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
