wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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