We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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