no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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