bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
