So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
