I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
