Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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