He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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