i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
