An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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