no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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