I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
