Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
