you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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