he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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